mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
