You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
