It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
