Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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