apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
