Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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