its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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