You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
