Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
