come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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