My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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