I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
