I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
