You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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