Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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