help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
