God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize