Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
