I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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