She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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