A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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