I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
