Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
