oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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