He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
