sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
