Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
