i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
