So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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