Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
