Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
