1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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