I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
