erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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