Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
