paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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