he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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