I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
