my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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