2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
