Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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