Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
