it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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