Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
