you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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