i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
