He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
