she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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