I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
