butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
