So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
