my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
