Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
