big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
