and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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