i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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