id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
