he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
