He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
