Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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