If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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