Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
