Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
