mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
