Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i drank out of a bidet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
