If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
