I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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