take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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