he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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