Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
