i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
