listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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