Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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