Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
